me now

so kiowa just died. i feel terrible. its all my fault. two deaths now i can account for that are my fault completely. the muddy fields were so nasty and i cant imagine his slow drownding death. and there he lays. still in the poop. i wish some how we could bring him home at least for a propper burrial but he is gone and we cant find him. nam is such a sad place and the things you see here are for no ones eyes. lately i havent been thinking about martha though thats the only good thing. iv been more focused and i am just waiting for all of this to be over so i can get home. i cant stop thinking about kiowa. if i would have chosen to move to higher land none of this would have ever happened. its my bad desision making that killed a good man. some times i think its just war and casualties happen but my thoughts always come back to me being the one responcible for people dying. i dunno what to think now because at the decision making time all my decisions seem right for my troop but in the end they always seem wrong. its like i cant see.